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* J O K E s *
MARRIAGE
He: There are an awful lot of girls who dont want to get married.
She: How do you know?
He: Ive asked them.
CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR
Santa was flying to Chandigarh from Pune.
He was allotted a middle seat but decided to take the window seat instead,
which had been allotted to an old lady.
The lady requested Santa to exchange the seats and let her sit on the seat allotted to her.
He refused, saying, 'I want to see the view from the window.'
The old lady complained to the air hostess who requested
Santa to sit on his allotted middle seat. Santa was adamant and bluntly refused.
The air hostess went up to the co-pilot.
He too came and requested Santa, but in vain.
Finally, the captain of the aircraft came.
He whispered something in Santa's ears.
Santa immediately vacated the window seat and took the middle seat.
Astonished, the air hostess and the co-pilot asked the captain what he had said to Santa.
The captain replied: 'Nothing, I just told him that only the middle seats will go to
Chandigarh. All others were going to Jalandhar.'
BILL
Maid: What do you want, sir?
Visitor: I want to see your master.
Maid: Whats your business, please?
Visitor: There is a bill...
Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village...
Visitor: Which I have to pay him...
Maid: And he returned this morning.
RIDDLE
Santa and Banta met on a village road.
Santa was carrying a large gunny bag over his shoulder.
'Oye, Santa,' hailed Banta, 'what is in the bag?'
'Murgiyan — Chickens,' came the reply.
'If I guess how many, can I have one?' asked Banta
'You can have both of them.'
'OK,' said Banta, 'five.'
LIKE MOTHER --- LIKE DAUGHTER
While being interviewed an actress was asked whether she intended
to get married in the near future.
The lady replied, 'Never, I will follow in the footsteps of my mother.
Like her, I will remain single.'
WHAT A CHEAP ...!
Banta went to a cheap restaurant to have dinner.
He ran into his friend Ram Lai who was working there as a waiter.
'Ram Lai, aren't you ashamed of working in this third-class restaurant?' he asked.
T may work in a third-class restaurant,' replied Ram Lai, 'but I don't eat in one like you.'
JUDGING
Two employers were talking. Said one: I fear that young man I employed
last week as a cashier is dishonest.
Oh, replied the other, you shouldnt judge by appearances.
Im not. Im judging by disappearances!
1 RUPEE
The mother of many children lined up her family.
The one who obeys me immediately and does exactly as hes told without
arguing will get a rupee at the end of the week.
Its not fair, said the youngest kid, bursting into tears. Daddyll win easily.
NEW INVENTION
■Santa said to Santa, T have invented a new kind
of computer which behaves like a human being.'
'In what way?' asked Santa.
'Whenever it makes a mistake,' replied Banta, 'it blames other computers.'
CATCH THEM ...!
An Englishman, an American, and a Sardarji were called
upon to test a lie detector.
The Englishman said, T think I can empty 20 bottles of beer.'
BUZZZZZ went the lie detector.
'OK,' he said, '10 bottles.' And the machine was silent. , .
The American said, 'I think I can eat 15 hamburgers.'
BUZZZZZ went the lie detector.
'Alright, 8 hamburgers.' And the machine was silent.
The Sardarji said, ‘I think ...'
BUZZZZZ went the machine!
SHOPPING
Office worker: Sir?
Boss: Yes? What is it now?
Office worker: Please can I have a day off next week to do some late
Christmas shopping with my wife and our six kids?
Boss: Certainly not!
Office worker: I knew youd be understanding, sir. Thanks for getting me
out of that terrible chore.
BETTING BLUES
5anta saw that his friend Ram Lai was very depressed.
'What happened?' asked Santa.
'Yaar, I lost Rs 800 in a bet yesterday.'
'How come?'
'Well, yesterday, the one day match between India
and England was being shown live on TV I bet Rs 500 that India would win,
but I lost the bet.'
'But that's only Rs 500, where did the rest go?'
'Yaar, I bet on the highlights too!'
NAME
The police car, its siren blaring, raced in front of a speeding car and forced
it to stop.
A heavily built policeman got out and walked over.
You name, please? asked the policeman, taking out his notebook and pen.
Certainly, officer, replied the driver. Its Horatio Xerxes Laertes Idomeneus
Aeneas Asclepius Iphicles Menoeceus Memnon Philoctetes Tyndareus Hylas.
The policeman thought for a moment, then looked at his notebook, shook
his head and said: Ill just give you a warning this time dont break the
speed limit again.
CAREER PLANNING
Banto took her son Ghanta to the headmaster and said, 'Masterjee, my Ghanta thinks
about a lot of things but when it comes to work, he does nothing.
What should we do for his career?'
The headmaster replied, 'Get him to apply for a job in the Planning Commission.'
FORENSIC EXPERT
I hree men applied for the job of a detective: Santa from India,
Marc Grayberg, a Jew; and Tom Silanti, an Italian.
The chief decided to ask each applicant just one
question and base his decision upon the answer.
When Grayberg arrived for his interview, the chief asked him,
'Who killed Jesus Christ?' He answered without hesitation,
'The Romans killed him.' The chief thanked him and he left.
When Silanti arrived for his interview, the chief asked him the same question.
He replied, 'Jesus was killed by the Jews.' The chief thanked him also and he left.
Finally, Santa arrived for his interview and was asked the same question.
He thought for a long time, before saying, 'Could I have some time to think about it?'
The chief said, 'Ok, but get back to me tomorrow.'
When Santa arrived home, his wife asked, 'How did the interview go?'
Pat came the reply, 'Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!'
ADAM n EVE --- INDIAN
Teacher: Who were the first human beings?
Pupil: Adam and Eve.
Teacher: And what nationality were they?
Pupil: Indian, of course.
Teacher: And how ho you know they were Indian?
Pupil: Easy. They had no roof over their heads, no clothes to wear and only
one apple between them - and they called it Paradise
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